It’s been over a year since I relocated back to Asia and close to a year since I moved to Tokyo. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe I’m here. I feel content having completed my move, in the sense that I’ve checked off all the tasks essential for moving (i.e. shipping my belongings, job search, visa, apartment hunt.)

However, there is a lot more to migrating across the ocean than just preparing documents and changing physical location. There are many aspects of this side of the world that still feel unfamiliar. My mental and spiritual self have yet to catch up to my physical. And today I want to write about one of the biggest things I’m still navigating through. It might not be surprising but I’d like to share my experience so far.

The homogeneity of Asian societies is not anything unexpected to me, but having spent half of my life in a very non-homogeneous environment, I am not very accustomed to live in such a society. There’s only so much I could have done to prepare myself for this part of the adaptation before moving, so I already consider myself as prepared as I could be. Now that I’ve been here for a while, I can tell I still have a long way to go in adapting to this aspect. Nonetheless, I will move forward at a pace that works best for myself.

As someone who grew up in multiple parts of the world, I don’t see myself belonging to one single culture. However, so far my personality, way of thinking, and lifestyle, are largely an outcome of the years I spent in the U.S. This creates a gap in my appearance and inner self, particularly in Asia where appearances often lead to a series of assumptions and expectations.

I’ve found that a lot of what didn’t use to draw any attention to myself now does, which isn’t very desirable for me personally. Being different gets more attention here, and it’s not always the most common or popular thing to do. This unfortunately means some parts of me cannot just “be” without feeling discomfort. It will get better though. Right now I am gradually learning which parts I don’t care about letting go and which parts I do.

For example, open-mindedness and succinct communication are what I value a lot and wouldn’t want to lose. I have found myself more understanding towards traditional thinking, but I still aim to remain open-minded when I interact with people around me. I have become less assertive in some settings where it might be interpreted as too much (like inserting myself in meetings), but generally I am quite direct when it’s my time to speak.

On the other hand, punctuality is something I want to improve myself on. I was not a terribly unpunctual person to begin with, but the Japanese society takes punctuality to another level. Some people might think it’s a bit of an overkill, but I see it as a very positive influence on myself and the perfect chance to work on my discipline. If I can appreciate the punctuality of Japanese trains, the least I can do to show my respect for the culture is to place more importance on punctuality myself.

These are some things which I have clear verdicts of how I want to handle them. In reality, there are many things I have encountered that remain undecided in my mind, and I will surely encounter more in the future. As I continue on this journey, I hope to reach some balance between my identity and the society I now live in. Along the way, I am also hopeful I will get to know myself better than before.