Sincerely Rita

View Original

Returning to blogging and reflecting on how 2024 went

Image by Nick Morrison via Unsplash

I accidentally went on a long break from writing. Earlier this year, my stress level reached a point where I started losing a bit of sleep. In July, it got so bad that I decided to reduce things I was doing in my life to lighten the load. Unfortunately, the main stress was coming from work, and I couldn’t easily cut out work, so I ended up pausing my personal things to give myself some breathing room. One of them was writing on this blog. Hopefully with this blog post, I will get back to writing regularly again. With that said, I would like to dive into my review of the year.

Lessons learned in 2024

2024 was a very challenging year for me. I moved to Japan in the middle of 2023, and I would say most of 2023 was spent handling more of the logistics of living in the new town. They were things like moving in, doing administrative things, figuring out where to eat and buy things, and trying my best not to get lost in train stations. Mostly they were things that had some sort of right answer and simply took doing them several times in order to get a hang of.

2024, however, turned out to be the year I started facing head on the intangible parts of my new life. These were more intricate aspects to understand, things like who I am, where I fit into society, and what I hold onto as my core vs let go of. I’m still figuring it all out but have made some progress this year, and here are a few noteworthy ones.

If the situation doesn’t budge, it’s up to me how I change things from my end

I can be quite stubborn in challenging times. I would be the one trying to change things or to wait for things to improve for the longest time. This can sometimes be a good trait, but when a situation is close to hopeless, it becomes a terrible trait. I learned the hard way this year that when it comes to things I cannot control, if I really want to keep trying somehow, then I need to be creative with how I try.

For example, if I feel that I’m not appreciated enough or given enough opportunities, instead of continuing to voice the issue and trying to obtain people’s attention, I can go make myself so good that they cannot ignore me. And I can also shift my mindset to a healthier one where I don’t depend on recognition of others to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Spending time with the right people can do wonders, while the opposite can drain me out before I even realize

Image by Greg Raines via Unsplash

I have met some really good people in Tokyo. Out of them I have found some close friends. Some just have similar energy as me, and it feels effortless to hang out with them. Some are people I’ve known for quite some time but it isn’t until now after years of individual journeys and growth that we start to have more things in common.

I feel extremely fortunate to have found close friends, and they have easily been one of the biggest rewards of moving to Tokyo for me. I didn’t expect this to happen, which made me appreciate it even more.

On the flip side, there are some people that just takes a lot of energy for me to be around. It’s not necessarily their fault; it’s just a compatibility thing. When I’m in a socializing mode, I try my best to accommodate and entertain whatever comes up in the conversation. Because of this tendency of mine, the encounter becomes very energy consuming if the conversation doesn’t flow smoothly.

When I was doing very unwell earlier in the year, I was starting to not see anyone or go out much at all. In the end, it was a casual text from a friend to invite me out and a fleeting moment of courage that led me to say yes and got me out of my shell. We had a great day out, and it was very clear that I needed that quality time. It was a reminder that even when I don’t have energy to entertain socializing, I can still go out with my comfy people and have a great time. I am glad that I’m more or less able to tell who the energy recharging ones are and who the draining ones are now, so I can choose who I spend time with wisely.

Health is more important than anything else

My mental health took a big hit this year, to a point where I lost sleep. I hung in there for a few months and my circles were getting darker and darker. In the end, it was a very stressful week in November that pushed me over and I just decided to take some actions on the spot for my health.

I redownloaded BetterHelp which I had used previously but didn’t have a good experience with, got myself matched with a new therapist, and booked a session for two days later.

I also booked an appointment at a medical clinic that specializes in massage, conditioning, acupuncture, and other body care. I had been procrastinating going to these places because of my concerns around having to use Japanese to explain how my body feels and potentially having communication barriers there. That night, I was feeling courageous and decided to book one that looked clean and professional.

Image by Youssef Naddam via Unsplash

Those two things turned out to be some of the best decisions I made in 2024. My new therapist is very easy to talk to and has helped me find more balance in life. She reminded me that I went through a lot in life, having left home at a young age, lived in a foreign country and grown into a person on my own, moved across the ocean myself into yet another foreign country, and all while having to handle very tricky human relationships. I was like…well, if you put it like that…lol. She also pointed out that I seem to have low confidence and reminded me to give myself more grace and credit. More on that later.

My experience at the medical clinic has been positive as well, with very clean environment and considerate staff. My acupuncturist took extra care explaining things to me and always told me before she was about to work on an area so that nothing came as a surprise. I have slept better and felt my posture improve a bit since I started going to the clinic. Whether I get more results or not, I still need to wait and see, but just the fact that I was able to finally have a clinic I feel comfortable going was huge for me.

I need to acknowledge my accomplishments instead of just moving onto the next thing I want to work on

This is kind of related to previous points about having low confidence and relying on others for a sense of accomplishment, but basically I have to learn to appreciate my own journey. Whether it’s a big or small accomplishment, I don’t spend time to even briefly pat myself on the back. Instead, I often think I’m still not good enough and just move on to the next thing (or improvement) that I want to work on.

Even going to a medical clinic in Tokyo for the first time was an accomplishment. While it might not seem like a big deal to others, I myself should know how much courage that took me, with the language barrier and hesitation I struggled through. With that accomplishment I also found a place I’m comfortable going recurrently to care for my body, which only makes it an even more meaningful milestone as someone living in a foreign country.

Image by Jennifer Capel via Unsplash

What I also realized I don’t do enough is to look at my life at a higher level and recognize how far I have come. When I go through hardships, I often just think of them as something I have to go through in life. In reality, I have faced some unique challenges through the unique path that I have walked on, and I often forget about how hard it was to get where I am until someone points it out. I want to practice being kinder to myself and appreciating my journey more than I have so far.

Conclusion

2024 was a difficult year, but I am proud of myself for having pulled through. The silver lining of having been pushed to the edge this past year is definitely that I finally took action to take care of my own health. The next thing I want to do is to also work on my physical health and confidence. I look forward to continuing the journey ahead and working to have a more balanced life.