Reflecting on a roller coaster month and welcoming fall

September was such a wild ride that I felt the need to do a little reflection. It was draining for me emotionally and physically, but there were still good things out of it. I want to document the events and my realization from them.

Daily life

I continue to slowly settle into my new city and new neighborhood. It is taking longer because of several reasons.

One is my work is mostly remote. So my daily routine is mostly indoors until I make the proactive decision to step out. I try to go out, but the Asian summer temperature is quite unforgiving.

Image by Domenico Loia via Unsplash

Second is I started working before I found and moved into my permanent apartment. This means I’ve been busy adapting at work and I’m so exhausted after work that I have very little time and energy left for settling in. Specifically, that can include buying home goods, getting comfortable with my kitchen space (this takes time for me each time I have a new home), and exploring my neighborhood.

Third reason is while all this craze is going on, I have a tendency to prioritize work, even more so when I’m new. Perhaps it’s because work more likely than not has a relatively straight answer, whereas home arrangement and self care somehow require more discipline and motivation for me to commit to.

With all of this said, I’m hopeful because although slow, progress is happening. I’m starting to use my kitchen more routinely and my fridge is not just a decoration anymore. I bought containers for my closet and organized my room a bit. The temperature has cooled down, making it bearable to walk outside. I started to take more walks and I’m looking forward to more.

Job

This month marks my first month out of probation on the new job, which is great because honestly there were times I felt useless and unsure why I was hired, lol. Starting a new job in a new company, new industry, and new country, has been very testing. Of course, part of it is I was at my previous company for 7 years and my previous town for 12. I knew the change I was making in this career move, but when it actually happened, it’s still hard not to feel disappointed starting new like I don’t know anything.

Image by Brett Jordan via Unsplash

In the past month, I have messed up and felt my confidence sink multiple times. Each time I didn’t know something I thought I should know, it felt like I was damaging the image of a capable employee I was hired based on. Somewhere in me, I knew that I’m not supposed to know everything, especially starting new, but sometimes I couldn’t help myself.

However, after some rest and some thought, I am now in a better state. I realized that this is my chance to return to the feeling I had when I first started working after university, when I was so eager to learn and soaking up everything like a sponge. Instead of dreading that I have so many questions, I should take advantage of the newbie status and embrace my curiosity. I will feel like a “beginner” for a while until a certain point where I know enough about the new domain and my experience starts making more notable difference. But even after that point, it’s important to continue asking questions and stay curious.

Vacation

I took a short break in the middle of the month. Originally, the trip back to Taiwan was prompted by some administrative affairs, but it turned out to be very timely. A hiccup had just happened at work, and hours before my flight I was still putting out the fire. Thankfully, I have great coworkers that worked fast to resolve things, which then allowed me to board the plane with a peace of mind.

Another big realization from the trip was how fast and smooth the traveling was. I left my apartment at 8am and landed in Taipei airport just before 1pm. Of course, there is a 1-hour time difference between Tokyo and Taipei, but even then it felt extremely convenient to fly back. When I was in LA, going back to Taiwan meant flying 13 hours, having to sleep on the plane overnight, and landing with a 15-hour time difference. It may seem like just travel time to some, but to me it measures the ease to return to familiarity. Taiwan doesn’t feel as familiar to me as LA does, but it brings me immense comfort being with my loving parents who are there.

Image by Mitsuo Komoriya via Unsplash

In time, I will feel more and more at home in my new city as I did in LA. But it’s nice to know that until then, when I need to catch a break from adjusting, there is a somewhat quick and easy way to return to the comfort of my parents’ company, which I certainly did not have when I moved to LA 12 years ago. I had a much harder time adapting to LA back then, so now thinking back I’m amused at how I was able to pull through without quick access to familiar people or environment… I guess what doesn’t kill us does make us stronger!

Conclusion

It was an eventful month. I went through all kinds of self-doubt as I navigated new territory in almost all aspects of my life. Although it feels painful in moments of struggle, I usually get something valuable out of the process. These reflections are necessary for me to stay fueled to move forward and chase after the life I want. It also reminds me that I have so many things to be grateful for and that I’m blessed to be able to write my own life story. Fall has started, the cool air is breezing, the leaves will change colors soon, and what’s not to like about that? :)