For quite some time, I knew LA wasn’t the place for me. It’s a nice town that offers many good things, and I had made plenty of memories there, but I knew I was meant to be somewhere else. Sorry LA…I still like you a lot…just more as a tourist.

So, where was I meant to be? I asked myself whenever the motivation to leave was high. Obviously we can find almost everything on the internet these days, so I wasn’t completely clueless. I had a few places in mind based on my preferences and some research, but I found it difficult to make a decision, because I didn’t feel sure enough about any one of them. I went through several cycles of really wanting to leave, not knowing where to go, and going back to focusing on my life in LA.

Thinking back, I was looking hard for a perfect town to move to, but that really wasn’t the right approach. My tendency to search for “perfect” and to treat my decisions as irreversible often paralyze me. (Read about how it made writing a thesis difficult for me here..lol)

In this case, this tendency caused me to for a long time think of leaving LA as something that would happen only in some remote future, and to keep putting off the decision to leave the town I wasn’t happy in. On top of that, I had it in my head that once I decide I have to stick to it for life…or something. But in reality, so what if a place isn’t perfect? So what if I change my mind later?

I eventually had to get out of these mindsets that weren’t serving me well in order to move forward. I had to learn to embrace imperfection and be more open minded. This blog will document some key realization I made throughout this experience.

There is no perfect place

For every country and every town, there’s always going to be both pros and cons. It’s about evaluating them and finding a place that’s net positive for me. And everyone has his/her own priorities and preferences that would make this evaluation look very different.

For example, if I care a lot about good public transportation but my friend doesn’t care about it at all, then a convenient subway system is going to be a much bigger plus in my eyes. Similarly, not having many career options can be a dealbreaker for someone who is career-driven, but more than tolerable for someone who only treats a job as a source of income or works for him/herself.

It depends on the person, and it isn’t black and white. I realized there’s not going to be a perfect place; there’s always going to be negative things. It’s about knowing what’s important to me and finding a place where the pros can make up for the cons. That will get me close to a place that’s right for me.

The right place for me can change

I tend to overthink commitment. I often think it’s bad to change my mind after deciding on something. I’m getting better about it now because I don’t like it when it prevents me from trying new things. Plus, there are times when overthinking serves me. But I definitely overthought this one.

In the back of my mind, I think I knew that it’s not a big deal. However, once I sank into overthinking mode and my head started running through every scenario that turns out badly, I needed the reminder that even if I want to move again later, it’s totally ok. It could be that I find something I didn’t expect. It could be that I like it at first and then grow out of that fondness. Or a new opportunity could come along and take me elsewhere. There are many perfectly ok reasons that might cause me to move again or change my mind later.

I needed to get my head out of the space where all my decisions are for life and irreversible. Sometimes life happens and we just have to go along with it. And sometimes people’s preferences change through stages of life which can then take them to a different corner of the world. I realized that I needed to learn to better embrace the ups and downs of life and just be like water.

Location can matter to a certain extent, but ultimately I gotta create my own happiness

It became even easier to choose where to move to after I realized wherever I go, if I didn’t have a good attitude on life, I could still be unhappy. Even if all the right boxes were checked, I wouldn’t be happy unless I chose to be. It led me to ask myself what really matters.

There are some things that would fundamentally change my daily life, and then there are some that would make a minute difference, whether good or bad. As long as a place satisfies a few big things important to me, I can probably make it work.

In the end, I decided that safety and closeness to family were my top priorities. Freedom to be myself and career opportunities were next. The other stuff can pretty much be set aside in the decision making, because otherwise I get analysis paralysis. If these big things are good, I have faith I can make the rest work. The small pros would just be icing on top, and the small cons would barely make a dent. I could choose to dwell on what’s missing, or I could choose to be happy.

Don’t dismiss the cons, prepare for them

Fully aware that places I was considering moving to don’t have as many career opportunities compared to LA, I vowed to do everything I can to find the right opportunity for myself without bending my core values. Based on some research I knew there were some opportunities suitable for me. They just might take longer to find. I chose the town despite its shortcoming in this aspect, so in exchange I need to be patient in finding my career path moving forward.

As for freedom to be myself, moving to a more homogeneous society (which is the case for all places I considered), I knew that it’ll be crucial to strike a balance between blending in and staying true to myself. I would need to learn to find bits of myself in the homogeneity and blend them with the unique mix of cultures I bring with me. It’s the best I can do to adapt well and at the same time not lose myself.

There are some other cons but they aren’t big for me personally. Most of them will be one-time hassles, and I just took mental notes as I learned about them. For me, it’s important to acknowledge what might not be good and do homework to prepare how I might face them as they come up. Doing this helps me have realistic expectations instead of anticipating all rainbows and sunshine. It also makes me feel more certain about my decision knowing I have taken into account the negative parts along with the positive.

Conclusion

All in all, I’m glad I finally made the decision. Whether or not I last long in the new city…only time will tell. It feels much better to have taken action rather than be stuck in a city I’m not happy in for an uncertain amount of time. I hope that what I took from this experience can benefit someone, including my future self, when they find themselves chasing for “perfect” or overthinking a decision.

With that said, I believe everything happens for a reason. There was something to be learned in this process, and I’m extremely grateful for the years I spent in the city of angels. It feels like a second home as I spent a huge chunk of my adult life and sort of grown into my own person there. Having said my bittersweet goodbyes, I find comfort in knowing that the friends and memories made will remain with me wherever I go.